How to Set Boundaries That Actually Hold

Ever try to set a boundary but it came out wobbly, soft, or a little apologetic—even though you meant it? You know you don’t want to say yes, but somehow “Okay, I guess” slips out. Or you try to express a limit, but your voice shakes, you over-explain, or you leave the door cracked open for someone to push past it.

If this sounds familiar, nothing is wrong with you. You're not weak, broken, or “bad at boundaries.” You’re simply trying to create safety—but you’re doing it from a stressed nervous system. When your body is in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, it will default to people-pleasing and over-functioning to keep the peace.

Good news? You can firm up your boundaries without force or frantic energy. It’s an inside job—and it starts in your body.

The Three Steps to Set a Clear, Confident Boundary

1. Calm Your Nervous System

Before you speak a boundary, regulate your body. Otherwise, your survival brain will run the show.

Try this simple reset:

• Inhale for 5 seconds

• Hold for 2

• Exhale for 5

• Repeat 5–8 times

If you already have my free guide Seven Simple Ways to Soothe Your System and Shift Your Mood, this is your moment to use it—those tools are perfect for getting grounded before a boundary conversation. If you don’t have it yet and want it, you can grab it here.

2. Connect to Your Inner Guidance

Call it intuition, higher self, God, divine wisdom—just connect. Boundaries land best when they come from grounded truth, not reactivity.

Try this mini-practice:

• Close your eyes and imagine a soft light above you.

• Let it wash over your body, down into the earth.

• Then feel a steady grounding energy rise up from the earth to your heart.

• Let both energies meet and expand outward until you feel steady.

This is you coming home to yourself.

3. Transmit From Your Power Center

Now you speak, text, email, or act from a calm, aligned center. Feel the boundary come from your solar plexus—not over-explained from your mind or pushed from your throat.

This is where you say:

• “No, that doesn’t work for me.”

• “I can stay for 30 minutes.”

• “I won’t continue this conversation if there’s yelling.”

Short. Clean. Honest. Unshakable.

You don’t have to armor up or over-explain to be respected. When you regulate, reconnect, and transmit from your truth, you don’t just set boundaries—you embody them.

Until next time, protect your peace and honor your energy—it’s sacred.