The Boundaries We Build Around Joy

This week, I’d like to talk about your boundary with JOY.

And if that doesn’t make sense, we’ll back it up a bit.

How’s your relationship with joy? Because if you’ve got a relationship with it, you’ve got a boundary with it.

Full disclosure: I want more joy in my life, too. And while I’m getting better at letting it in, I still catch myself falling into those old traps:

—I have to finish all the work first.

—I need to make sure everyone else is okay first.

—I need to earn enough extra money to cover it first.

—I must deserve it first.

Do you hear yourself in any of these?

Maybe your boundary with joy sounds like, “Yeah, sure, you can enjoy yourself. Oh, but first, you gotta cross everything off the list!”

That’s quite a fence to build around joy.

And here’s the thing: Not every boundary serves us. Some protect what matters to us. Others are old rules we didn’t consciously choose—and they may be keeping out the very things we want more of.

Do you hold joy or fun or pleasure out ahead of you like that proverbial carrot? Something you’ll allow yourself to have once you’ve checked off enough boxes?

And somehow, no matter what you do, there’s always one more box.

Maybe you were taught to believe that you’re only allowed to enjoy yourself if you’re good enough, smart enough, or hardworking enough.

Or perhaps joy itself feels strangely vulnerable?

When you’re used to being the responsible one—the person always watching for who needs help, what needs to be done, or what might go wrong—letting down your guard and enjoying the moment might feel surprisingly difficult.

You might find yourself waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or feeling guilty because someone else isn’t having as much fun. Or simply thinking you should be doing something more useful.

Am I suggesting we ignore our responsibilities and do whatever feels fun in the moment?

No, I am not.

Am I talking about all the ways we keep postponing joy because it never seems quite responsible, useful, or necessary enough?

Absolutely, I am.

So, I’ll ask again: What is your relationship with joy like?

Do you take time in the middle of your day—or your week—to do something that’s totally fun? Not productive, responsible, or even officially “self-care.” Just something that makes you smile?

Do you watch Netflix in the middle of the afternoon just to have a laugh?

Do you go birdwatching Sunday morning instead of making your family breakfast?

Do you call an old friend on a Thursday evening and happily chat the night away?

Do you book a cabin on your favorite lake for the night just so you can fall asleep listening to the waves?

There are endless ways to add more joy to our lives.

Some cost nothing. Some cost a little. And some might be worth intentionally making room for—in your life and your budget.

Joy is not frivolous.

It’s not something we have to earn.

And it’s okay to act like it matters.

Joy is part of a well-lived life. Some might even say it’s the whole point.

So, once more, I ask you: How is your relationship with joy?

And if it’s not what you’d like right now, what boundary have you built around it?

What if joy didn’t have to wait until everything else was done? What if you didn’t have to justify it or make it useful?

Maybe this week, you let joy show up without asking it to prove that it belongs.

No earning, explaining, or justifying. And definitely no crossing everything else off the list first.

Just open the gate and let it in.