Is It a Boundary…or a Block?

I was recently a guest on a podcast talking about boundaries and, as usual, something came out of my mouth that surprised even me.

As we talked, I began to wonder if there were “good” boundaries and “bad” boundaries.

Now, I use quotation marks because those words—good and bad—are becoming less and less helpful these days. I mean, who’s to say what is “good” and what is “bad,” right?

But I started to understand that there are helpful and beneficial boundaries in our lives—with family members, with how we spend our time, with how we use our money, and so on.

And then there seemed to be boundaries that weren’t so helpful, such as a boundary someone might have with public speaking. As in: It’s something you want to do, but it’s super scary and doesn’t feel good.

At the time, I lumped that in with all the other boundaries, thinking it was simply a different kind of boundary.

However, a few days later, in the middle of the night (as often happens) I realized:

There aren’t “bad” boundaries. Those are BLOCKS!

I will tell you, I have spent a LOT of years working on and through blocks—mine and other people’s—around money, health, relationships, career, joy, abundance, self-worth, being seen, speaking out, change and transition, and a whole lot of other areas where we can feel stuck and stagnant.

But the idea of a block being the flip side of a boundary has really helped me understand what happens in our lives—and how we often weave in and out of boundaries and blocks as we grow, learn, and change.

Let’s take “putting yourself out there,” for example.

Say you’re starting your own business and want to begin telling people about it, showing up on social media, and being seen as the expert you are.

Quite possibly, you’ll start with a healthy boundary around that:

My social media posts don’t involve my family.

I’ll speak in person, but not farther away than I can drive to, and return home from, in one day.

At this point, I’m only interested in speaking opportunities where I don’t have to “pay to play.”

Then, sneakily, a block appears.

You’re comfortable posting words and graphics on your feed, but you don’t want to share pictures of yourself actually working at your desk—even though you know that’s what people want to see.

Or you’ll speak at your local library, but you don’t feel comfortable making an offer at the end. Maybe you tell yourself you don’t want to be “salesy,” when underneath that, you’re actually afraid no one will be interested.

As I see it right now, a boundary is something that helps you stay true to yourself and what you want in your life.

A block is something that stands between where you are and where you want to be.

Sometimes it may look like:

Block → Boundary → Block

Other times:

Boundary → Block → Boundary

And as we do the inner work and uplevel in our businesses and our lives, there’s usually another block to work through—and a new boundary to set.

How weird is it that I’m so excited to have realized this is what’s going on in our lives? (Which is probably why it woke me up in the middle of the night. 😄)

So, I ask you:

What area of your life feels blocked right now?

Where do you feel like your boundaries are holding firm?

We can celebrate the boundaries at the same time we get curious about the blocks.

Awareness is where it all starts.

Because boundaries are an inside job.