When Someone Else’s Urgency Feels Like Your Emergency

I know a woman who is incredibly talented and successful. I’ve had the privilege of working with her a few times, and she is very committed to her work.

Joyfully committed.

She works long hours, seven days a week. Her work is a huge part of her life. She absolutely loves it, and I say: You do you! That’s fantastic.

She is also extremely on the ball.

She knows what she’s doing, what everyone else is doing, what she needs from them, and when she needs it. She usually has things done approximately twelve years before I would have thought to do them.

And somewhere along the way, I started feeling pressure.

Apparently, my nervous system thought we were responding to a kitchen fire.

Oh my gosh, she needs this now!

She already has her part done. I must be behind.

I need to answer this right away.

I’m letting things fall through the cracks!

Except…was I?

Or had I accidentally stepped into someone else’s pace and decided it had to become mine?

Someone wise once told me:

Someone else’s urgency doesn’t have to become your emergency.

Just because someone else wants something quickly doesn’t mean you have to jump into that same pool of energy with them.

You don’t have to take on their urgency. Or their pressure. Or their panic.

Even when they aren’t panicking at all. Even when they’re completely calm and very certain about what they want and when they want it. (Even when that’s quite unnerving for you.)

You still don’t have to take it on.

Well, look at that. Another boundary.

And that made me wonder: Where am I letting someone else’s way of doing things override what works for my time, my energy, my family, and my schedule?

If I’ve already worked a long day and an email arrives, do I automatically reach to answer it immediately?

Or can I pause long enough to ask:

Does this actually need to happen right now?

Can it wait until tomorrow?

Can I simply say, “I’ll get that to you in the morning”?

For much of my life, if someone else thought something was important and timely, I assumed it must be important and timely. (I mean, they’d know, right??)

And therefore, I should treat it that way too.

But maybe it isn’t that black and white.

Of course, sometimes we’re working with deadlines. We have bosses, coworkers, clients, agreements, and responsibilities. Other people genuinely need things from us at certain times.

That isn’t quite what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the moments when no actual deadline has been established—but we feel pressure anyway.

The question is: Am I pausing to decide what works for me, or am I automatically adopting someone else’s expectations, energy, and timeline?

Maybe their timeline is right for them.

That doesn’t automatically make it right for me.

And perhaps both people can be respected here.

Yes, I can do that right now.

Yes, I can do that later today.

Yes, I can get that to you tomorrow morning.

Or no, that timeline doesn’t work for me. Here’s what I can do instead.

That tiny pause gives us a chance to make an actual choice instead of offering another automatic yes.

Is there anywhere in your life where you’ve been pulled into someone else’s urgency, pressure, drama, or expectations?

Have you ever jumped into someone else’s way of doing things—and realized later, “Oh. I didn’t actually need to do that right then”?

If so, give yourself some grace.

That’s certainly what I’m doing.

And the next time someone needs something from me, I’m going to take one small beat before deciding that their timeline must become mine.

Maybe that’s all this boundary requires.