Are Your Boundaries Protecting Your Dreams—or Holding You Back?

“The higher they fly, the harder they fall.”

It’s an old saying that brings Icarus to mind. I think most of us have heard it, right?

I used to take it for granted. It seemed logical—in its own mythological way. And somewhere along the line, it got imprinted without me even realizing it.

Then I started thinking about our goals and dreams, and how often they bump up against the messages we’ve picked up over the years:

Shoot for the stars.

Who do you think you are?

Dream big.

Don’t rock the boat.

They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. So admirable!

Until they get too big for their britches.

I’m sure a few more popped into your head while reading those. The list could be endless. Is it any wonder we can imagine something we want, take a few steps toward it, and then become anxious, uncertain, or even paralyzed with fear? It’s confusing!

Sometimes we need a boundary with a goal or a dream. We need to give ourselves room to change our minds, take a different route, or say, “I want this, but not at the expense of everything else in my life.”

But sometimes what looks like a boundary is actually a block.

Maybe you went after something you really wanted. You worked hard, tried your best, gave it your all…and it still didn’t work out. Oof. That hurts. And a part of you might have decided, Whoops. Let’s not do that again.

So when the next promotion, speaking opportunity, project, or move comes along, your mind has plenty of reasons to pass it up. It’s not a great time. I’m not qualified. That’s probably not for me anyway.

And maybe one of those reasons is true. But it’s worth getting curious about whether you’re making a choice—or whether an old disappointment is making it for you.

You don’t have to chase every dream. You don’t have to fly as high as you possibly can just because someone told you to shoot for the stars. But you also don’t have to keep your dreams small because the last time you went for something, it hurt when it didn’t work out.

Maybe the question isn’t, How high should I fly?

Maybe it’s, What do I actually want? And is this a boundary I’ve chosen? Or one that fear has chosen for me?

You can take your time with that question. You can start small. You can even decide that the dream has changed.

And if something in you says, That doesn’t feel safe, you can listen. Maybe that feeling has something to tell you about how to be there for yourself before you decide whether to take the next step.

Photo by Jared Brotman via Pexels; edited for this article.