Why Setting Boundaries Can Feel So Uncomfortable

I found a new boundary I’m not great at yet! 😬

She is: Substack.

I joined Substack a few months ago (you can find me here), and it’s lovely. It’s a platform with a supportive vibe, a writer’s playground, and a reader’s rabbit hole.

Believe me when I say I am still figuring it out. Beginning with how easy it was to accidentally create two accounts—and then struggle for months to undo it. 😆

There’s subscribing and posting and restacking. There are tiers and walls and colored badges. There are articles and Notes and voiceovers. For me, it’s enjoyable and (mostly) stress-free.

Aaaaand I know there is a method to the madness. I’m sure there’s an algorithm and a strategy to growing your subscribers. As I say, I’m still learning.

So, here’s my challenge:

Subscribing.

I genuinely want to subscribe to EVERYONE so they feel read and heard and appreciated.

And when you subscribe to someone’s Substack, you receive an email in your inbox every time they post an article. For most Substackers, it seems to be about once a week.

Not overwhelming, right?

Except as I find more people whose writing I enjoy—and more authors and speakers I want to hear from—that can fill up my inbox pretty quickly!

Remember Inbox 3400 of early 2026? (You can refresh your memory here.) 😧

I am honestly not sure my nervous system (or my schedule) can handle dozens and dozens more emails on a regular basis. Even when I’d love to support others in this way!

I thought I’d found a bit of a workaround.

You can also “follow” people on Substack. That way, their stuff pops up in your feed and you can peruse at will, for as long as you’d like.

I’ve been following right and left!

Happily!!!

Then I received a lovely note from a lovely person I’d just followed, asking if I’d like to subscribe to his Substack.

He had good reasons.

And it was like a punch to the gut.

Next came the guilt!

The discomfort of him not knowing WHY, exactly, it’s not a good idea for my inbox health to subscribe right now.

More guilt!

Then I realized:

“Oh, crap. This is a boundary. And mine is totally flopping in the breeze like sheets on a clothesline.”

Some questions I’ve asked myself in the past have come around once again (with a Substack flavor):

—Is subscribing the only way I can support writers on Substack?

—Does supporting them mean overriding my own needs?

—What is my gut telling me to do?

—Am I willing to sit in the discomfort and get curious about what’s underneath?

—Would I want people to support ME in a way that caused them stress or meant abandoning what was best for them?

—Is my automatic response still to please everyone else before myself?

And here’s the annoying thing about boundaries: knowing all the right questions doesn’t necessarily make the discomfort go away.

Sometimes the boundary is simply deciding what works for you—and letting it be uncomfortable when someone asks for something different. Blarg.

So please hear me, my Substack friends:

I SUPPORT YOU!!!!

It just might not be in the way you’d prefer.

I might follow you instead of subscribing. I might read something when it catches my eye. I might restack something I love, leave you a comment, or cheer you on from my little corner of the internet.

And none of those require me to ignore what's best for me.

Because I don’t think supporting someone else should mean that we have to override ourselves.

And, not surprisingly, this whole thing has made me even MORE grateful for every person who subscribes to my Substack, reads this blog, or lets my words show up in their inbox.

I do NOT take that space lightly.

I promise.

Keep choosing yourself and your needs—even when your boundary is still flapping in the breeze.

We’re all in this together.